Cult survivor warrior

About

I’m turning 60 next week, and for some reason this age is hitting hard. Recent life events and my own mortality have me circling old questions: saved or redeemed? If so, by whom?

I am a work in progress, a never-ending trail of half-written journals. I decided to go online, in the hopes of maybe helping someone—or finding help myself.

I survived 15 years in a high-control, high-powered religion. On paper, 15 out of 60 years doesn’t look like much. But somehow it feels like the biggest part of my life, and I don’t want it to be.

I’m journaling here because I’m tired of the shame of shunning. Missing people who once said they would die for you, who now won’t give you the time of day, hurts more than anyone can imagine. At least when someone dies, there is a finality. With shunning, the loss just keeps breathing.

If anyone finds my page and feels some of the uncomfortableness that went into writing it, I welcome you. No strings, no expectations, and certainly a true acknowledgement regardless of what you bring—or don’t bring—to the table.