What it’s like now.
I am often asking myself, is this a result of the religion? I deal with things by not dealing. Thats where this blog is coming from.
One thing I know comes from my experience. I can not make friends very easily. I hold back not wanting to experience anyone else turning away from me. Pretty much sabotaging them before they begin. On the rare occasion that I do get close to someone, I ruin it by becoming hyoerfixated on them. Like someone who is drowning, grasping for anything to save them, I cling to them unto they, too, leave. I have settled on living without close friends. Its not that I dont have anyone. I have an amazing and resiliant partner that has been with me on this ride for 23 years. She puts up with my moods and complex feelings. I have come out as non-binary and she does her best to understand.
I stay as far away as possible from organized religion. I have no need to know God or Jesus. I am not sure where I fall in the labels, but I hate labels anyway. I believe in finding peace in nature. The forest is my temple. I don’t begrudge others their faith. I can see how it helps some. I attended the funeral of a classmate. The family is very religious. I cold see how their faith gave them the comfort they needed. To each their own, but leave me alone.
Since leaving the JW, I have been getting closer and closer to my family. When I was in the religion, I was estranged from them. None of them belonged to the religion. I feel so bad for what that group made me do. Nothing is more important than family.
Cult survivor warrior 